The secrets of a successful life in business.

My Four Cents: January Edition

Got a great question from “Conflicted”, Tyler TX.

I am in constant conflict with a co-worker. We are on the same level “in title”, but I’m much better looking. While she has a great personality, the only glaring defect I can see as a flaw would be a mole on her face that is shaped like the state of Rhode Island. It’s kinda gross if you look at it very closely. But you have to get VERY close to get grossed out. Is it wrong to make fun of her with my boss and make up fun nicknames like The Mole? or even Jackie the Mole Face Asshole?

Winning: Wow, great question! I think that seems fair. The trick will be positioning yourself as more than just a name caller. Perhaps a better way to approach would be to print up a flyer for a Nazi Book Club that “happens” to have her name on it as the organizer. That way your hands are “clean”. Plus, I’m not sure people call women ‘assholes’ generally. Keep up the good work!

And another fantastic one from “Dan”, Phoenix, AZ.

There’s a lady I work with, who really loves her cat. Which is cool by me, to each his own I always say. But she smells like a cat too! It’s really getting in the way of my work and distracting me and my anger towards her is causing hives now. Would it be rude to spray her in the face repeatedly with Febreze? Or is that the sort of thing I should leave a note on her desk about?

Winning: Fantastic question Dan! While Febreze is an incredibly effective product, I wouldn’t suggest attacking her with it. I do think it’s fair to buy her a bottle, and attach a note to it. But I’d suggest you tell her something a little less abrasive, like, “the whole office thinks you smell like cat” on the note. You don’t want to take the heat or create bad blood with a cat lady. In my experience they are a very volatile bunch. Very nice and sweet on the outside, but on the inside they are a cauldron of hate, that blames the opposite sex for a good portion of their failures. PROCEED WITH CAUTION. Good luck!

Comments on: "My Four Cents: January Edition" (0)

  1. Bo Download said:

    What up Winner! Hey, not to nitpick or anything, but I’m reading this on my Android, and see only 2 questions answered, not 4 (as the title “My Four Cents” would indicate). I wonder if your web site is smart-phone-optimized, or if you forgot to answer a couple of questions. Not to self-promote or anything, but you still haven’t gotten back to me about how to get my brother fired.

    Also, I’d like to weigh in on calling women “assholes.” They like it, actually, because it’s gender-neutral. Your evaluation, even though it’s negative, is based solely on their behavior, not their gender.

    Finally, I second using an anonymous note on the Febreeze. Keep your name out of the head of a pissed off cat asshole! I speak from experience… Let me know if you need “details.”

  2. Hi Bo. Great to hear from you again. Funny you had that reaction. I call this series of knowledge My Four Cents™ (no my four answers) because when I dispense knowledge, it’s like a normal person’s “two cents”, but twice as good, thus the “four cents”.

    As far as getting your brother fired, I didn’t get back to you because I killed your brother (or at least I thought i did!). Let me know if that wasn’t the right brother.

    Great thoughts on the “calling women assholes” assumption. I must be honest, I don’t believe you, but I appreciate your weighing in on the issue, and the way you connected it with the Febreeze question. Nice!

    You’re on your way! And thanks, as always for getting your comment on!

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