The secrets of a successful life in business.

Master Bring Your Pet to Work Day

Animals are cute. This is scientific fact. And it’s the major reason that the phenomenon of “Bring your pets to work Day” has become so popular in the past decade. But sadly, it’s turned into a cute-fest that does little for anyone’s reputation at work, especially if the only animal you own is a hedgehog named Sally Pumpkinpants.

That’s why the next time the pet day comes around, you need to bring your “pet coyote Hank”. It’s an ideal moment to let the office know that you are not only a beastmaster at work, but the intensity doesn’t stop once you get home.

Not only can you tame any business issue, but you can even tame an animal that is illegal for people in 49 states to keep as a pet. (Note: strategy less effective in Alaska.)

I’m sure some questions might be coming to mind: Where can I get a coyote? And more so, where can I get some affordable obedience training for coyote’s?

Here’s the trick. Don’t worry about all that stuff. Just concentrate on mastering the walk from your car, to the office, because there is no way that Chad, the office services guy, will let you in the building because of “liabilities”.

He won’t want to take the chance that a particularly slow-walking employee could get mauled on pet day–of all days–and risk a lawsuit. In turn, they won’t let you step one foot in that office. Fortunately for you and your reputation, the impression will have been made. Soon the news that you not only have a pet coyote, but you’ve named him Hank and you have such a good relationship with him that you thought it safe to bring him to work.

The fact that it never crossed your mind that coyotes are wild animals and have been known to maul humans will tell the entire office that you operate on a level of power and delusion that only dangerous animal trainers achieve after a lifetime of training.

Now all you have to do is to find some way to return the coyote to it’s owner without being eaten.

Comments on: "Master Bring Your Pet to Work Day" (0)

  1. Alpha Wolf Howls said:

    Mr. Winning,

    I recently had an epiphany after reading your “Master Bring Your Pet to Work Day” business tactic. I must admit at first glance, or reading if you will, I was a bit angered and hurt at this article as I have personally owned hedgehogs and cats. I pawned off the stereotypes and judgments of being considered a “wus” because I told myself that these people were merely jealous they were not as comfortable in there skin as I. However, after tolling over your article and doing a lot of soul searching, I found I have been lying to myself. These pets are pathetic and only portray the owner, i.e. me, as a pushover for the rest of society to use as a proverbial doormat.
    Alas, after purchasing various live traps, playing live animal call tapes of injured rabbits, and setting out multiple baits to capture a coyote, I had little success. At first I was a bit deflated, then your motivational words kicked back in and I began brainstorming full steam ahead, toot-toot. Thus I took a road trip down to Florida, which has become the US hotspot for illegal animal imports, and purchased a full grown black mamba.
    I did this for two reasons. Number one is that I now sense a change in public persona and receive the respect I deserve from the office staff. No boss dare yell at me anymore because they realize the venom from the “fastest snake in the world” I currently have wrapped around my neck is far more powerful than any venomous verbal assault they can possibly deliver. Their take is if I’m not scared of the mamba then why on earth would I be afraid of a mere mortal who happens to be one rung higher than I on the corporate ladder than I. Also, I find that draping the snake over my shoulders compliments my newly purchased “God Father-esque” black pin-stripe suit very well. The snake along with the Italian mafia persona gives two forms of subliminal empowerment that combine to elevate me to the supreme office being and sets the stage for me to dominate any meetings or company gatherings. Much like Zeus on Mt. Olympus, I am now king of my own mountain.
    Needless to say I have recently moved up, like the Jeffersons, and am now head of my department. I have a feeling that me being CEO is only a stones throw away.
    They say if you Mess with the bull then you get the horns, I say you F$%# with the snake, you die in 20 minutes flat.
    Sincerely,
    Alpha Wolf Howls

  2. Winning said:

    YOU ARE WELCOME.

    If there was award for best comment ever, I would be wrapping it up in bubblewrap, and shipping it to you PRIORITY MAIL immediately.

    Glad to hear you’re on your way to business superstardom.

    (Also, could I get the number to your animal guy in Florida?)

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