The secrets of a successful life in business.

Mastering The Sick Day

Like it or not, the cold hard truth about calling in sick is this: You are admitting to everyone that you will not be working that day, which is something you just don’t do, unless you’re pro-weakness.

So in the rare case that you are under the weather so fully that you can’t perform your job, only one excuse will suffice …

Tell them that you are have something called “uncontrollable bloody diarrhea.”

If you tell them you have the flu, they will think you are weak, a cough, even worse. But when you have this affliction (often referred to as “The Big D”), advantages abound.

“The Big D” is something that none of us want to picture, so once you put it out there, your boss will strike this visual from his brain immediately. The human brain can’t store these types of “word pictures”. Much like stumbling upon a baboon with a forked penis at the zoo, or accidentally ending up watching the show “All About Jim”, our brains can’t help but cast these sorts of images immediately from our brains.

So, what advantage does this give us?

Well, at the same time he’s striking this visual from his brain, along with it, he strikes the memory that you didn’t work that day as well. You’ve made today far too painful for him to think another second about it. And that’s a very good thing.

Not to mention, you get the secondary advantage of co-worker empathy. If there’s a human being in the business world that doesn’t feel for a colleague with this type of hardship, then they don’t have a working anus.

In the end, you’re not going to work either way you play it.

So you can stay at home sick, and keep your skillfully crafted reputation–as well as your place at the top–intact. Or, you can stay at home stick, and solidify your reputation as a fallible, sickly pantywaist.

Your call.


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  1. diarrhea can sometimes be cause by spoiled foods or salmonella~;”

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