The secrets of a successful life in business.

Fitness, Ftw

I recently read in a fantastic book entitled, 1001 Business Facts to Jazz up ANY Presentation, that the 5 common traits of Fortune 500 CEO’s were:

1. A Certain Charisma
2. Consistently Great Hair
3. Physically Fit
4. Inability to dance
5. Problems mastering electronics

So that got me thinking. Since charisma, and great hair are god given traits, the next possible way to show your coworkers you’re preparing for the top spot is through a commitment to physical fitness.

But, in today’s world, there are more and more obligations that fill up our day. Whether it’s interviewing multinationals, attending workplace sensitivity weekends, or clubbing with interns, there’s simply just not enough time these days to actually work out and get fit.

That’s why Winners at Business™ need a strategy to give off the impression of fitness even when we can’t make it to the gym. What has worked for me, is to always bring my gym bag with me wherever I go, and sometimes, use that sweaty gym bag, as a briefcase during important company-wide meetings.

It let’s your colleagues know that you may have just gotten back from the gym every time they see you.

Fitness is not only about working out and getting the heart healthy, but it’s also about letting people know its such a priority for you, that you magically found the time to make it to the gym at all.

I’d also suggest having a sweat soaked headband (animal sweat if possible) lying on your desk each afternoon for good measure. The reason for the animal sweat is not purely for the smell, but what it conjures up in your colleagues minds. (I’d also suggest putting this band in a seal-able plastic bag when not in use)

Simply put, the more this band smells like a sweaty animal, the more likely your colleagues will be to assume that when you work out, you do it much like a wild animal does, or even, how a half-man, half-wolf would, with all the grunting, roaring, and teeth flashing that goes along with it.

Net net, they will fear your power, and will become submissive in your presence, all because of some smelly unused headband.

This perceived fitness strategy has worked for me incredibly well, even though I have gained over a 100 lbs. in the past year. I am living proof that this strategy will keep your colleagues on their heels, and get you off the line and running (figuratively).

Comments on: "Fitness, Ftw" (0)

  1. I’d appreciate some direction on acquiring animal sweat. Putting my dog on a treadmill resulted in more blood than sweat on the headband. Do I discard this one and start over?

  2. Administrator said:

    Jill, First off, Great comment.

    I would not discard your dog, just because it was bleeding. This is less of a business problem as it is a legal one. There are many dog-lovers out there who would love to take your bloody dog off your hands. Try your local SPCA, or put the dog in a basket and place it with a bag of rawhides and the rest of his food on a know dog lovers doorstep.

    But i will say, some blood on a headband will go along way to let your colleagues know you have a wild animal that is unleashed at the gym. Plus, they may think you just head butted someone at the gym because they took the last rowing machine.

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